What Happens on The Holidays
by Tsuyucchi
Summary: Komui decides to call a truce this holiday season and invite the Earl and his Noah over for the twelve days of Christmas. Chaos ensues with mammoth cookies, crazy holiday shopping, and of course, the deadly mistletoe. Crack, Yullen later on.


A/N- oi. i busted my ass to get this damn fic done. and fanfiction was no help coz it kept deleting the draft every time i tried to save! also the site kept eating my emails and 'at' signs. *sob* but...i got it done. sighh. not beta'd and totally a crack xmas fic. if they're ooc, well then MEHHH. happy birthday, allen-chwannnnn. F33 the fic's coming out the night before allen-chan's bday coz i'll be too busy tomorrow (since it'll be christmas day and all o.o) to post it. =_=U

Disclaimer- nope. still don't own. some of the chars are on my wishlist though...ufufu...*eyes allen happily*

* * *

**From: #1kewlbigbro (at) blackorder (dot) com**

**To: ****TheTophatEarl (at) 666noahFTW (dot) com**

**Received: Tues, Dec 13, 1880 at 5:26 PM Subject- Xmas Truce?**

_Dear (the) Millennium Earl,_

_Uh, hi there, it's me, Supervisor Komui from the Black Order. I dunno if you know who I am (since you and your Noah pals are always too busy trying to kill me and everyone else in the Black Order to get to know our names...T-Tu) but that's beside the point. I'm writing to you because I want to call a truce this Christmas weekend. You see, my wonderful, precious, sweet darling young sister, Lenalee (you know her, right? Lovely black hair, angelic face, looks for the good in everyone..uwuah, Lenalee-channnn! QAQ) told me that the thing she wanted the most this year was for peace on earth and a nice, traditional Christmas at the Black Order. And me being the most awesome, coolest, kick-butt older brother there is- I am going to give her that Christmas. O_O)b_

_But the whole 'peace on earth' part is a bittttt more difficult to accomplish, but that's where you and your family come in! :D I thought that maybe...perhaps...we could all stop fighting this week and uh...maybe...spend...the holidays...together. ._.U 'Cause that would REALLY be 'peace on earth'! Youuuu...meeeee...PEACEEEE...on Earth. You see? ;DD But seriously, us at the Black Order are a tad tuckered out from this long hard year of nonstop battle and violence. I figure it must be the same on your side too so what do you say? Truce? Just this Christmas week? T~T I don't know if you and your family really celebrate Christmas (I've heard you're not all that cool with the big guy up there...) but it'd be super nice to not have to go at each other's throats this coming week. What do you say?_

_Sincerely,_

_Komui Lee, Supervisor and Professional Older Brother_

XDXDXD

**From: ****TheTophatEarl (at) 666noahFTW (dot) com**

**To: #1kewlbigbro (at) blackorder (dot) com**

**Received: Wed, Dec 14, 1880 at 12:20 PM Subject- RE:Xmas Truce?**

_Dear Komui-kun (Yes, I do know who you are. I know the names of everyone I want to kill~!),_

_This sounds like a wonderful idea! And yes, my dear Noah are very tired and worn out from killing your exorcists and such. I'm sure they would enjoy a week of relaxation and peace. You're also right in assuming that 'God' and I are not on the best of terms but I can put that aside for a little Christmas dinner and presents. *heart* I shall inform my family of our holiday truce and will be arriving around 5 or 6 PM today. Just in time for the twelve days of Christmas. (See I can be quite festive as well ^^)_

_Till then...*heart*_

_Love,_

_The Earl of Millennia_

XDXDXD

**From: ****#1kewlbigbro (at) blackorder (dot) com**

**To: TheTophatEarl (at) 666noahFTW (dot) com**

**Received: ****Wed, Dec 14, 1880 at 2:38 PM Subject- RE:RE:Xmas Truce?**

_Dear (the) Earl,_

_Alright then! Terrific! Lenalee will get her happy Christmas and peace on earth now! Yahoo! __I'll leave the door open for you guys. No need to smash through any walls now, we're on a budget this year. =_=;;_

_Sincerely,_

_Komui Lee, Supervisor and Santa/Older Brother Extraordinaire_

XDXDXD

_Kanda's POV_

Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one with some common sense in this whole organization. I mean, the moyashi's a foolish idealist, the baka usagi is scatterbrained bookworm, Lenalee is just...Lenalee. And her stupid old brother...I swear, that guy is missing a chromosome or something. The idiot literally just announced to all of us that the Earl, along with all his 'Noah buddies', were coming over to spend Christmas with us at the Black Order.

The fuck?

Am I missing the punch line to this dumb joke or this man actually being serious? By the looks on everyone else's faces, they were wondering the very same thing.

Komui was standing on his little impromptu podium in the middle of the Black Order HQ cafeteria and was staring at us all like he was expecting us to break out in cheers and applause at his little announcement. As if. I feel like beating some sense into his thick skull right about now. Does he get that he just pretty much gave the Noahs and their psychotic Earl the_ perfect _chance to swoop in exterminate us all? Perhaps in his sparkly, Lenalee-centric world he thought this would end out alright. And that all the bad blood between us and the Earl could be solved over a nice, piping cup of hot chocolate. Yeah. That's about as likely as Komui himself allowing Lenalee to make an eHarmony account.

"Don't worry everyone! They're only going to be here for twelve days! Haha, get it? Twelve days..? Just like the song? Ahaha, the Earl came up with that; such a funny man when he's not trying to kill us. But do try to be nice to them and I'm sure they'll be nice to you as well. In our email conversation the Earl said that he'd honor our happy little truce and stuff!

Mhm...I have so much faith in the words of lying fat man. Oh yeah. One hundred percent trust invested in him.

"Oh and that'd we could go straight back to being mortal enemies as soon as Christmas was over. Isn't this great, guys? A wonderful, peaceful Christmas! Just like my dear sweet Lenalee wanted! Peace and love on earth! Woohoo~!" Komui finished, hopping down from his fake soapbox and skipping back to the Science Department, leaving us all to sit in shock at his lack of hindsight.

...Twelve days? That's enough time for the Noah to kill us, bury us, and then host a party on our graves. The moyashi looked as though he's about ready to spontaneously combust at Komui's words and the usagi's jaw was slack, the water he had previously been drinking spilled out, making the area above his crotch wet. (..Haha)

Also, planning this stunt over email...wow, that was _so_ what normal people did. And returning to plotting the opposing side's demise as soon as the holidays were over. Totally normal was well. Not. I hardly think this was the sort of 'peace and love on earth' Lenalee was asking for- speaking of Lenalee, how was she taking this?

I glanced over across the table where Lenalee was sitting beside Miranda. The blank look on her face betrayed the utter explosive disbelief in her eyes; whose gaze seemed to have the power to slice the balls off millions of men...scary. In her hands she was holding a metal spoon for her bowl of clam chowder, unfortunately the spoon was now twisted and bent into a capital 'V'. I don't think I'd ever seen Lenalee this silently furious in my life. Not even the time the baka usagi accidentally stuck a hot glue gun in her hair was comparable to this. Poor Komui. There would be hell for him to face later.

"Well..this is going to be an awkward Christmas." the moyashi commented, for the first time pushing his lunch away. The rest of us nodded in mute agreement. We would be lucky if no one got sent home in a body bag this year.

XDXDXD

_Allen's POV_

The Noah and the Earl have arrived at the Black Order and needless to say, there is a LOT of tension in the room right now. Everyone is giving each other suspicious looks and keeping an eye out for any sudden movements that might pose a threat. We're all waiting to see if someone's dumb enough to pull something and luckily, no one has. It's like waiting for a nonexistent bomb to go off. Finally someone breaks the silence. Can you guess who it is?

You're correct if you said Road.

The girl lunged forward and threw herself at me, glomping me with all her might. It's slightly reminiscent of the time she surprise-kissed me in the Ark. For a small thing, Road is _strong_. The force upon impact with Road's glomp was almost enough to make me fall backward. But for the sake of my dignity (tipping over because a girl gave you a hug..yeah...a little demeaning), I didn't. Instead I got the life squeezed out of me as Road's arms constricted my chest while she said: Oh, Allen! It's been such a long time since I've seen you, I've missed you so much! But can you believe it? We'll be together for a whole week and then some! Isn't that great? I've got so much planned, teehee.

I began to sob internally, but not externally since my face was starting to turn purple from the lack of oxygen. I barely caught some of Cyril's rambling at me to release his darling Road. Oh great, another 'complex' to join in the fray. Like Komui's insanity wasn't enough? Dear God, what did I do to deserve this? Christmas was supposed to be my birthday, for Pete's sake!

"Oh, Road. Don't break the Walker boy now~! *heart*" the Earl said, giggling at the thought of Road snapping me in half. The jerk. Road gave the man a cute smile past her shoulder, hugging me even tighter. I felt myself getting lightheaded.

"Aw, I'm not gonna hurt him! I'll be extra gentle, okay?" she replied sweetly. Oh no, she's lying, I can tell! I gave my fellow exorcists a fleeting look, hoping one of them might step forward and save me from Road's death lock. No one did. Nice, guys, real nice. I know what I'm going to be getting you all for Christmas. NOTHING.

Kanda was busy glaring holes into the Earl's voluptuous tummy, probably thinking that if he concentrated hard enough the Earl might blow up. Lavi was preoccupied with making kissy-faces at Lulubell who was clearly unfazed by the redhead's antics, giving him the king of all cold shoulders behind her dark-tinted glasses. Miranda and Krory sat quietly off to the side, observing the peculiar scene unfold, offering me expressions of sympathy. If you guys felt so bad for me, you would help me!

Lenalee stood next to her beaten up and bruised older brother, Komui, calmly conversing with Tyki about something. I was amazed that Lenalee could remain that cool and collected even in a situation where she was locked in a room with the enemy. But then again, she probably let go of all her pent-up frustration on her brother, the poor man. Not that he didn't deserve it though.

When at last I managed to pry myself loose from Road, I landed unceremoniously on my bottom with everyone's eyes on me. My face flushed red with embarrassment and I quickly excused myself and left the room cursing Komui's stupid truce. I overhead a bit of Road and Tyki's exchange as I bolted out the door.

"You don't really plan on do _those_ kinds to the shonen, do you?" Tyki asked, taking a long drag on his cigarette. Road shook her head happily.

"'Course not. I plan on making a _different_ type of love happen this Christmas..." Road chuckled, flashing a bit of her Noah smile.

XDXDXD

_Regular POV_

"Oi! What are you guys doing?" Devitto barked loudly, eyeing the two called 'Komui' and 'Jerry' warily. Komui paused in his 'spoon-churning' motions. Jerry beamed and welcomed the Noahs into his kitchen. Where he and his BFF for life, Komui, were mixing cookie dough.

"Komui-kun and I are making cookies, of course! Right now we're just stirring the dough to make sure the cookies don't come out lumpy. We would use our hands but this way is much more neater." Jerry replied. Jasdero leaned forward to peer into the large cauldron filled with cookie dough, salivating a bit at the sight of all that delicious, yummy cookie dough.

"Hee! Jasdero loves cookies! And so does Devit!" Jasdero exclaimed, earning a bonk on the head from his brother.

"Shut it! Anyways what's up with this cookie dough, why are there sparkles in it?" Devitto questioned, dipping his index finger into the mix to taste the cookie dough. Despite the abundance of sparkles on the swipe of cookie dough on his finger, it tasted like any other cookie dough. 'Just for show maybe?' Devitto thought to himself, eyeballing the Black Order's 'questionable' head chef.

Komui smirked and turned his back to the Noah twins. Jerry sweatdropped, already predicting what his crazy friend was going to do next- go on his eccentric rant.

"These are no _ordinary_ cookies, boys. No, these cookies have been GENETICALLY-ENHANCED! You see, my latest scientific creation is this-" Komui whipped out from his pocket a little salt shaker filled halfway with shiny, reflective particles, much like the ones blended into the cookie dough below. "-Komu-Spice! Patent pending. What my little Komu-Spice does is exponentially enhance the flavor of any food it's sprinkled onto. So when these bad boys are done," he motioned at the cookie dough. "they're gonna taste a billion times better than they normally would! Heheh, I know right? Total genius that's me.."

Devitto and Jasdero blinked, only a fraction of Komui's spiel had really sunk in and all they had gotten from that fraction was that the man was nuts.

Devitto crossed his arms defiantly, not too impressed with Komui's presentation. "So like, what? Is it edible and stuff?"

"Hee! Safe for Jasdero to eat?" his twin added. Komui puckered his lips, how could these Noah not be the least bit amazed? Jerry stepped in before Komui could go off on another tirade.

"Yes, it's safe to eat. Now would you two like to help us get this cookie dough into shape?" Jerry pulled out a bunch of gingerbread-cookie cutters and handed them to the Noah twins.

_Later that day..._

In hindsight, everyone probably should have seen this all coming. Afterall, Komui's inventions spelled out nothing but trouble in the end. And Komui's latest concoction was no exception. The Komu-Spice had done much more than just intensify the deliciousness of Jerry's gingerbread cookies, no, the spice had given the innocent holiday cookies a taste for _human flesh_. And not only that but the bloodthirsty cookies had grown to monumental size, topping at about seven and a half feet. Not good.

The moment that Jerry opened the door to his industrial-sized oven (there were a lot of people to feed in the Black Order), the Komu-Breadmen had leapt out and started chasing Jerry, his BFF, and the Noah twins.

And when bigass cookie monsters start running after you, craving the marrow of your bones- you run. You run like a little sissy screaming for your life. Which was what Komui, Jerry, and Jasdevi were doing right now.

"I THOUGHT YOU SAID THOSE THINGS WERE SAFE TO EAT, YOU SHITTY SCIENTIST!" Devitto screamed at Komui as he sprinted with all his might. The Komu-Breadmen were gaining on them.

"THEY ARE! THEY ARE SAFE TO EAT!" Komui yelled back. Devitto looked ready to punch the sister complex in the face.

"BUT YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THEM WANTING TO EAT _US_!" Devitto retorted, both his brother and Jerry nodding in agreement. Komui made a hurt face.

"A...a slight miscalculation in the chemical formula of the Komu-Spice, I suppose.." Komui murmured, thinking back to when he was in his happy little laboratory, mixing strange colored fluids and thinking up awesomesauce ideas. Devitto's eye twitched. Really this idiotic man...

"A SLIGHT MISCALCULATION THAT'S GONNA KILL US!" he shouted. Komui stopped his pondering and gave Devitto a disdainful look.

"Well you don't have to be so rude about it. Honestly it was just a- OH NO! A WALL, IT'S A DEADEND!" Komui screeched, stopping just in time to avoid smashing into the stone wall. The other three saw the wall and halted to a stop as well. Devitto stared up at the wall. 'What the hell? Who puts a wall at the end of a long corridor? Is this whole organization made up of dumbasses?' he thought, peering at Komui who was feeling around the wall, hoping there was a secret switch that opened a hidden door. No such luck.

It was no use, they were tried..the Komu-Breadmen had already caught up to them and had formed a barrier blocking their escape. Oh God, death by carnivorous gingerbread men, what a way to go. Jerry and Komui were holding onto each other for dear life and Devitto and Jasdero were doing the same. Perhaps this was the end...

_BANG._

Or maybe not.

Just when all hope was lost, Skinn Bolic (of all people), burst through the stone wall and came to everyone's rescue. Sorta. Actually the Noah had caught the overpowering scent of yummy gingerbread cookies and had scoured the Black Order HQ until he found the source. The source being about twenty-five Shaquille O'Neal-sized gingerbread men. Happy day for Skinn Bolic, mhm. He hadn't eaten since noon and right now it was...12:30 PM. ...Well, Skinn's a big guy so yeah.

He gave the Komu-Breadmen a killer smile (which made a few of them shit gumdrops) and dove into the fray, biting chunk after chunk of gingerbread. He nom'd and nom'd until all that was left were crumbs. Komui and Jerry looked shocked, they hadn't seen anyone who could eat that much since Allen last Thanksgiving. Boy eaten the turkey in two-point-four seconds flat. Devitto and Jasdero, however, looked overjoyed. They knew there had been a reason to resurrect Skinn (besides the sacred blood war) and this was it.

Skinn Bolic had saved them from a horde of ravenous, flesh-eating gingerbread men...and they couldn't be more thankful.

XDXDXD

_Allen's POV_

Okay, don't get me wrong. I like kids. Kids are alright, especially if they're small and cute and aren't of bratty and annoying age. Making one smile, that sounds simple and easy right? But what about making a hundred or so pint-sized munchkins laugh and smile. That...is a bit more difficult.

You see, Tiedoll had come to me to talk about his vision for this holy week. Tiedoll _loves_ kids and it's no surprise either, he's a nice man and the kids like him back. Dunno what Kanda's deal is but everyone in the Order had some sort of respect for him, whether it's as a General or as a person. Tiedoll had come up with an idea to bring joy and happiness to every boy and girl in the village nearby the Black Order HQ. Actually it was about thirty-miles away but then again, our headquarters was on top of a huge, spiral-y cliff.

His plan was for someone to come down to the village and bring some Christmas joy to everyone there. The person would go down, dressed as Santa Claus and meet the little boys and girls and chat with them what they wanted for Christmas then wish them a merry Christmas. Don't be mistaken, Tiedoll did not come to me asking if I would have the honor of being the jolly holiday icon.

No, I was to be his wife, Mrs. Claus.

Crap. And like I could say no to bring cheer and joy to hundreds of innocent little kids. Oh, and you wanna know who Tiedoll got to be Chris Kringle? His fellow General and my demon master, Cross Marian.

This was wrong on sooo many levels.

x-x-x

_Lavi's POV_

'Haha, the moyashi's Mrs. Claus! That's rich! Oh God, I gotta tell Yuu! Maybe I'll get to see him actually _laugh_. No, I mustn't think too optimistically, Yuu would chuckle a bit at the most. But still! Allen's gonna be in a lady fat suit dressed as Mrs. Claus! Bwahahah!'

That was what I thought at first when I heard the news about the Santa Claus project General Tiedoll was working on. Allen had been sulking around, mourning his loss of dignity and it was funny as hellll. Sure, I feel for the guy but you've got to admit, it sounds pretty damn hilarious right? Both Allen and Cross dressed as the symbolic and hefty Christmas couple.

...But then, I saw Allen's 'Mrs. Claus' costume. And shit, if the real Mrs. Claus looked like that I would not mind spending every year up in the subzero North Pole. My only guess was that Tiedoll had given Cross full control over the costume design in order to get him to play as Santa. But I don't think that Cross knew who was going to be Mrs. Claus at the time (maybe he had hoped it was going to be General Klaud Nine?) because well...it looked like something a Playboy bunny would wear for Christmas.

Allen was dressed a short red tube top with white fur lining at the chest and short red miniskirt that kept the fur lining motif as well. For shoes, he wore a pair of black leather buckle-up boots and red-and-white striped stockings that reached just past his knee, leaving a good three and a half inches of skin between the miniskirt and the stocking. Komui had also dug out good old Elixir No.473 and made Allen a girl again...so he..ahem...filled out the outfit quite well.

His hair was also done up all special, with the help of the gender-bending potion, Allen's silvery-white hair had grown five inches past his shoulder and was tied up in lose pigtails with red ribbon. Oh, and he was wearing a Santa hat too, but I doubt anyone would pay notice to what was on Allen's head...

Cross, himself had also made some major changes with his Santa costume. He ditched the red shirt and pants for a suave red and white tuxedo and traded in the hat for a red and white pimpin' hat. He also got a cooler version of the white beard too. (A bit like the facial hair the Dos Equis guy has..) That coupled with a pair of shiny black shoes and white gloves made to be the Neo-Santa costume. In addition, Cross kept his trusty Judgment tucked in the inside of his tux just in case any weirdass Grinches came along trying to crash his Xmas bash. I swear, Cross Marian should be the definition of badass in Webster's Dictionary.

At first, Cross had been a bit conflicted over the fact his old _male_ pupil was going to be his 'Sexy Lady Claus' but after seeing the effects of Komui's elixir and Allen in his 'costume', he had no problems at all going to town with his dear, embarrassed Mrs. Claus.

Damn, I shouldn't have turned down the Santa offer.

XDXDXD

_Lenalee's POV_

Christmas is coming and I still have a laundry list of presents to get for everyone. So, I'm thinking of going to the mall this afternoon to cash in on all the last-minute deals and stuff. I invited Lavi, Allen, Kanda, and Lulubell to come with me as well. Lulubell and I have gotten close over the past few days and she's got an amazing fashion sense as well.

I kind of get a little nuts when I'm doing my holiday shopping and especially when there's still so much to do. ...I hope this shopping trip goes off without a hitch.

_Lavi's POV_

There were few times that I had ever seen Lenalee so...off her rocker. It was only three days before Christmas and the group still had a laundry list of gifts and stuff to purchase and Lenalee had pledged that she would get everything done. Today. But she never said anything about turning into such a psychotic shopper about it.

She had brought Kanda, Allen, Lulubell and me with her to the mall. I wasn't sure why Lulubell was picked to go shopping though. Lenalee had said that she and Lulubell had become good friends but I saw no friendliness between the two at the moment. The Noah just trailed nonchalantly behind us, sometimes whispering something to Lenalee as she took the group racing up and down, left and right, and virtually every other direction possible in order to get the best deals and products.

Right now Lenalee was freaking out over how she couldn't reach a certain thing 'cause it was too high up on the shelves. She'd grabbed me by the scarf and dragged me over to the aisle with the much desired item on it and quickly told me to use my Ōzuchi Kozuchi and get it for her. I nodded and got the thing for her. ...What the hell is a Snuggie? Looks like a robe you put on backwards. I shook my head as I lowered myself down and handed the box to Lenalee, but she wasn't there. Huh?

I left the shop and looked through the throngs of shoppers until I found that one white mop of hair that belonged to Allen. Bingo. Weaving though the busy people, I snuck up on the exorcist and tapped him on the shoulder, scaring the boy as well.

Allen jumped and whipped around, assuming some sort of mock-Karate battle position. ...Pffffftttthahahaha.

"Hahaha...wha...what the heck was that? Oh God, that was so..ahaha." I said between laughs. Allen pouted, his face red and promptly told me to shut up. He was still somewhat hesitant to come into town upon fear of the people there recognizing him as the infamous sexy Mrs. Claus. I told him that that had been a long time ago now and people had most likely forgotten about it already.

"It was just like four or five days ago, Lavi! And some guys took pictures! Pictures! I don't even wanna know _what_ they're using those pictures for!" Allen babbled. I sighed and patted him on the head.

"Calm down. Whatever happened, happened. Can't do much to change it. Now, hey, have you seen Lenalee? She made me get this Snuggie thing and I kinda feel like a dork carrying this thing around the mall everywhere." I said. Allen bit his lip in thought. His face lit up when he remembered where Lenalee had scurried off to.

"Oh, yeah. She ran into that one store...uh, Victoria's Secret?" he said. I nodded and made a beeline for the jam-packed store. Allen waved and went in the other direction. "Hm..now where did Bakanda go..?"

x-x-x

I guess the holidays can bring out the crazies in everyone. I mean, everybody's all scrabbling to find the perfect gift for their friends and family, maybe it's to be expected that some people might lose one or two of their marbles. But still, breaking out into a fight over some fancy perfume...is a bit much.

"Lenalee? Lenalee, where did you g-HOLY SHIT." My jaw had probably fallen somewhere on the floor but I didn't care. Was...was this real? Out of the blue, Allen appeared at my side holding a bunch of snacks and takeout in one hand while using the other hand to munch on his snacks.

"Hey, Lavi, look at all this food! I went to the food court and one of the guys there recognized me and at first I panicked 'cause well...you know, but he gave me all this free...whoa." he trailed off, finally taking notice of the reason why my eyes were as big as saucers.

All (or most) of the girls in Victoria's Secret were currently engaged in a massive catfight. There was hair-pulling, messed-up eye makeup, and bottles of perfume being thrown in the store like they were cannonballs. And Lenalee was in the midst of it, Lulubell too. However they weren't fighting like the rest of the girls but army crawling through the chaos to get the last, remaining bottle of Love Spell perfume.

Holy cow, did Christmas coming early or something?

"No! That girl took the bottle!" Lenalee cried as one of the girls involved with the 'catfight' grabbed the bottle of perfume she was trying to scavenge.

"Oh no, she didn't!" Lulubell growled as she tackled the girl and tried to pry the small bottle from her hands. Some of the other girls noticed and started to dog pile on the Noah.

"Hey, get off of her!" Lenalee yelled, jumping into the fray to save her friend. Kanda randomly arrived at store beside me with a small takeout box of soba.

"Did you guys know this place has a soba shop, it's pretty good actu-uh...what's going on?" Kanda asked, one brow raised as he watched Lenalee and Lulubell fight off a horde of angry females.

"I...I really don't know. Should...should we break it up?" Allen asked. I put a hand on his shoulder and shook my head.

"No, no...just let them work it out." I said, my eyes still glued to the catfight. Kanda gave me a funny look.

"Che. You're enjoying this, aren't you, baka usagi?" he said, I just grinned. Christmas is great. I like shopping now.

XDXDXD

The day had finally arrived- Christmas was here at last. And all the people in the Black Order and the Noah were still alive. Komui included. It really was a Christmas miracle. The presents had already been opened and a lot of different emotions and reactions flew about the room...

_"Cross, you might as well send this lingerie back to whatever store you got it from. I don't want it."_

_"Just try it on, Klaud. You never know, you might like it.."_

_..._

_"...A new pack of cards, shounen?"_

_"Mhm. So I can own you with those as well."_

_"Haha...we'll see about that."_

_..._

_"MY DEAR SWEET LENALEE GOT ME A SNUGGIE! I SHALL CHERISH IT FOREVER!"_

_"..You're welcome, Nii-san."_

_..._

_"Oh, this is really sweet, Krory-san. How'd you know I wanted a new clock?"_

_"Ah...well, your Innocence is like a clock and all so...*blush*.."_

_..._

_"UWAHH! Is this Love Spell by Victoria's Secret? That's so sweet, thank you!"_

_"Haha, you're welcome, Jerry-san. You wouldn't believe want I went through to get that though.."_

_..._

_"What the hell is this ugly thing, baka usagi?"_

_"It's called a 'Domo' plushie, Yuu! I heard it's very popular in Japan. Do ya like it?"_

_"Uhh...I guess. How exactly did you get a stuffed animal from Japan? Isn't it overrun with akuma?"_

_"The Earl gave it to me! Said you'd like it."_

_"..."_

Except one thing, Road's holiday romance scheme. Yes, the eldest Noah planned to keep to her word she made at the beginning of the twelve days. It had taken a lot of planning on her part and she had gone back to the drawing board so many times her dry erase marker had died. But she'd done it, Road had devised the perfect plan to get a few 'certain' people under a 'certain' lovely Christmas ornament. Everything was all set up and now all she had to do was set the ball in motion.

"Fufu. Let's go and watch the fireworks, Lero." she said, taking Lero in hand as she stood up and grabbed the golem and left the room.

x-x-x

"ALLENNNNN!" Road screamed as she chased the exorcist down the hall with Lero.

"Lero-leroooo! R-Road-sama, what are you doingggg?" Lero gargled, trying to keep from biting his tongue as Road swung him around like a madman.

"I wanna know the same!" Allen cried. Road gave no answer instead speeding up her insane dash. Allen sped up as well and saw a glimmer of hope at the end of the hall- a door! He could care less where the door led to, anywhere had to be better that whatever Road had in store for him once she caught up to the boy. Allen lunged out and opened the door, entered it then locked it shut, using his body as a weight. He waited for a few minutes, expecting Road to start pounding at the door until it burst into smithereens. Nothing happened.

Strange.

Deciding that it was safe to leave, Allen turned around and tried to open the door. The knob was stuck, had Road locked him in? What purpose would that serve? Allen felt around in the dark until he found the light switch and flipped it on.

...Oh my God.

The entire room was decorated in mistletoe. Mistletoe wallpaper, mistletoe bed sheets and pillows, even mistletoe dressers for Pete's sake. (How exactly was that even possible?) An unconceivable amount of mistletoe was hanging down from the ceiling. Mistletoe was even sprinkled around the floor! (Allen was pretty sure this wasn't healthy. Didn't mistletoe have some poisonous qualities to it or something?) And all this wouldn't be so bad if only Allen was alone in that ghastly room. But no, someone else was there too.

And of course, it just had to Kanda.

It seemed that both God _and_ Santa liked to screw with his life.

"Did Road get you too?" Allen asked, already knowing the answer. Kanda gave no answer, just his typical 'che'. Allen sighed and sat on the bed, his back opposite to the person he got along the least with. Just great.

"That Noah's fucked up in the head." Kanda quipped. Allen nodded.

"Road. Road, I know you can hear me. Let us out. This isn't funny anymore." Allen drawled. A voice came from a nearby mistletoe plushie sitting on the chair opposite to the bed.

"No way, Allen! Not unless you and Kanda do something for _me_." the plushie spoke. Kanda gave the cheap holiday novelty a sideways glare.

"Like what do you want, an autograph or something?" he said sarcastically. The mistletoe giggled.

"No, silly. I want you and Allen to _kiss_." Kanda sent his comrade a sour look which Allen reciprocated.

"Hell no. I'll take my chances with your deranged self than kiss the sprout." Allen nodded. For once he and Kanda were on the same page.

"Same." he added. "My name's Allen, Bakanda." Allen heard a grumbling come from the plushie.

"Then you can spend the rest of December in this room with each other. That or honor the longtime tradition of 'kissing under the mistletoe' and leave."

"Someone will notice we're gone." Allen replied calmly. Again the mistletoe plush laughed. He was really starting to hate that laugh...

"Everyone else is busy stuffing their face with Christmas dinner and afterward they'll be patting their belly as the delicious, yummy holiday meal digests in their tummies. Oh, Allen...you haven't had any of that incredible Christmas ham, have you? It tastes sooo good.." Road droned softly. As if on cue, Allen's stomach grumbled, almost painfully, at Road's words.

"Six days in this room with him..?" Kanda muttered, doubtful thoughts starting to accumulate in his head. Kiss the moyashi for a few seconds to appease the crazy Noah or spend the next six days in the small room with the moyashi. He hated to say it but...the first sounded a whole lot better than the second.

"Moyashi/Bakanda?" Allen and Kanda said at the same time, each calling the other by their 'respective' nicknames. They stopped for a moment the scowl at each other then Allen went on.

"I think...we should just get it...over with and go. I mean, who's gonna know, right?" Allen said, laughing a bit to lighten the idea. Kanda still looked the cynic but he nodded. A good sign. Allen might get out of here in time to get some of Jerry's pie if he was lucky.

"Yeah...I guess. Uh..you want to, uh..wanna do it...now?" Kanda asked, his words all jumbled up and face slightly tinged red. Allen blinked then nodded.

"Yeah, today sounds good. My stomach's empty and I swear I can smell Jerry's food through the wall. Now enough talk, pucker up." Allen said jokingly, crashing his lips down on Kanda's. The normally stoic expression on the man's face was now bright red with embarrassment. Even if no one could see (except maybe Road; if the girl could trap them in a room with a talking mistletoe to communicate, a simple hidden camera would be child's play), the thought of the beansprout and him _kissing_ was very...weird. But it was happening now and...holy shit, was that a _tongue_ pressing against his lips? Okay the moyashi was getting a bit ahead of himself. Kanda opened his mouth to yell at the younger boy to slow the hell down- bad move.

Allen's tongue dove into the little space that Kanda's flushed lips had formed with the intention of berating him and skittered around the inside of his comrade's mouth. It came as a surprise that Kanda's mouth didn't actually taste like soba, his favorite food, but _strawberries_. So the famous cold samurai of Japan had a secret sweet tooth? How cute. Allen liked strawberries too but he had to admit, Kanda's version of the syrupy flavor was much, much better.

Kanda could tell the beansprout obviously had much more experience at this than he apparently did. A human tongue should NOT be able to provoke such feelings of...well, pleasure from him. Godammit, he was Kanda Yuu. He lived his life surrounded by the crazies of the Black Order and never before had they forced (yes, _forced_, Allen was a freaking aggressive kisser) such reactions. The tall, cool, and handsome samurai from the East willing himself (and failing) to bite back wanton moans and totally getting owned in a game of tongue-tag...that was fucking ludicrous.

And yet...

"You...you're having...fun...with this...aren't you?" Kanda gasped out, finally getting the chance to have oxygen occupy the space in his mouth instead of the moyashi's bitchass tongue storming it. Allen was breathing deeply as well but threw his 'friend' a crooked smile. The mistletoe clock had tolled earlier, it was ten o'clock now. Jerry's dinner would be long gone by now and ravishing Kanda sounded more and more like a close second as each minute passed.

"Maybe.." was his only answer before he overtook Kanda's cherry red lips (they _may_ have been cherry-colored because Allen enjoyed nibbling on them, but who was to say..) for the second time. After ten seconds of hardcore making-out (this time Bakanda was actually trying to make a fight..haha) Allen moved down south and tumbled buttery kisses down the exorcist's pale neck. Kanda growled lowly in his throat when he felt the moyashi's small fingers working at the buttons of his black dress shirt. Like hell if he was going to play bottom to Allen's top any longer!

He pushed the smaller boy off of his and rolled over, switching their positions. Allen's eyes were wide for a moment, surprised by the sudden force that had pushed him off his favorite soba-enthusiast but then turned half-lidded and weepy. But why? He was just getting to the fun part! Jeez, this was _just _like what always happened with him and Tyki. Not fair...but Kanda looked hungry. Allen knew he hadn't gotten to eat any of that Christmas dinner either. No doubt he would be starving by now.

"I think...maybe...we'll have a bit more fun like this...don't you think, moyashi?" Kanda murmured. Allen pouted, but Kanda didn't give him enough time to reply, swiftly meshing his lips against Allen's in a method that made the boy quiver in a way that Kanda found oh, so, delectable.

Yes, this would be fun indeed.

x-x-x

Allen and Kanda had to have known that their little 'feast' wouldn't be just between themselves (and possibly, Road). Afterall, this was _Road _they were dealing with and the Noah had taken it upon herself to broadcast the entire thing on the Black Order's one hundred inch LED HD television (that ironically, had been Road's Christmas present to them). Everyone saw it all. And by all, they meant _all_. Allen's moans, Kanda's growls, the soft thump of the mistletoe bedpost, all of it.

"AHH. LENALEE, LOOK AWAY! DO NOT LET THIS SHAMELESS DISPLAY OF LOVE TAINT YOUR VIRGIN EYES! SOMEONE TURN IT OFF!"

"What the hell, Yuu! Did that Domo plushie mean NOTHING to you! And how dare you take rape Allen before me! We made a promise, dammit!"

"Heheh, I knew those two were total closet butt-buddies."

"Hee! Butt-buddies! Like you and Tryde, huh, Devit?"

"W-WHAT?"

"Calm down, Devitto. It wasn't like you two kept it a secret. Heh, that samurai's a total amateur. If he had any idea what to do then he'd take the shounen's ribbon and-oh. Maybe the guy does have some sex smarts after all."

"Jealous much, Tyki? I see how you daydream twenty-four/seven about that kid."

"Shut up, Wisely, or I'll poke you in your third eye."

"Oh, my dear Road, she's such a creative little girl! *heart*!"

"ACK! ROAD! AHH! COVER YOUR EYES, SWEETY! DADDY'S COMING TO GET YOU! DON'T LOOK AT THE NASTY HOMO SMEX!"

XDXDXD

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

From Your Friends and Bishounen at the Black Order..and Friends.

*insert pervy picture of Allen topping Kanda*

* * *

A/N- blarghhhh, cobalt finished this fic on the twenty-third. with two days to spare! yayyyyy! am i bitch for not writing the whole lemon or do i have shame like a normal person? Owo anyways, happy birthday, allen-chan! weeeeeeeeeee. this totally wasn't twelve days, did you notice? or did the last minute yaoi blind you? (hmm that yaoi did come out of nowhere but yeahh...i herd you like mudkipz...and yaoi. i no have mudkip (i chose cyndaquil :PP) but i have yaoi!) everyone thank my bitchdog lenny for giving me inspiration to write the yaoi (i WAS just gonna do a quick chaste kiss then have the two blush and shit but...we both figured...this would be better XDD) and editting and then making fun of me of me afterwards. ._.U

mehh. i know that cobalt totally missed yullen week this year but seriousleh, one fic for each day...for the entire week? that's suicide for me. so i guess this will be my only submission. i sworry. o~o

hmm. sequel? hmmm maybe next year. if i'm nice. or if you review and love this fic enough. :DD

READ AND REVIEW FOR MORE HOLIDAY PHUN TIEMMMM!


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